13 September 2007

POsitive Parenting....

Here's what I have learned in the class so far.....

NO COERSIVES/ Punishment.
such as logic, threats, arguing, questioning, despair, sarcasm, taking away privileges, silent treatment......

that would be like yelling, jumping around, being obnoxious....

pay attention to something else, like a child with good behavior.

from an undesirable behavior to a desirable one

any GOOD behavior with GOOD STUFF.
also bad behavior gets NO good stuff.

Set Expectations with Child
LIke "I know you can do it"

So parents what do you think about this?!?!?!? I know this is in a nutshell....


TwoMuths said...

oh, boy. Obviously, Aaron is little and so I don't have a whole lot of experience but I will give the first point a shot from my "theoretical" perspective. I can see why people teach classes about parenting in this fashion - especially when it comes to punishment. SO many parents are completely out of control and will truly abuse their kids.

HOWEVER if kids are given consequences for their behavior (good or bad) then that will reinforce what you are trying to teach them. I think consistency with your expectations and the consequences will produce the right response in kids. VERY often I saw this in my classroom. It was more often my inconsistencies that caused a slippage in producing the result that I wanted. And let me just say, it's a whole lot easier to guide a kid that can actually respond to you in words. :-)

As Aaron gets older, we hope to be able to use consequences that fit the behavior. "you did so well being responsible and doing your chores, that we will let you be responsible and do this other task that you haven't been old enough to do yet" etc.

For now, it's working on not throwing food out of his high chair and not touching things that are off limits. I'd much rather flick his hand and cause temporary pain than to have him stick his finger in a socket and cause himself MUCH more pain. So no, I don't agree with no punishments. I just think that they should be used carefully and with great control.

Obviously I've written enough about just the first point, but I have to say, I don't agree with ignoring "junk behavior" either. It's simply not considerate of others, and it does not teach the child what behavior is or is not appropriate and acceptable.

That "Pivot" point sounds an awful lot like the silent treatment you're supposed to avoid in #1.

Redirecting is something we do all the time here! But we say, "Aaron, you may not play with the electrical cord. Here are some books. Let's read books instead."

Setting expectations is a good thing too. But it could go towards coerciveness very easily or turn into a begging session. "I know you can put down the candy and come here. Please?" instead of "Put down the candy and come stand by me."

and there you have it. my theories. my loooooong theories. :-)

Sara Mincy said...

I think it is a hard situation because you cannot use true Biblical discipline....and I feel for you - because truly using the proper punishment...in a very loving way- and saying "this is what the Bible says to do" has been so good for our kids. SO when we deal with the boys we take them away from the situation and calmly talk to them and explain what was done wrong. Get them to understand what they are in trouble for. FOr us this is when we would give a punishment. Maybe you could in this case have them lose a priviledge..etc.

Our boys have gotten saved, so at this point we explain that they have sin in their hearts against God (I guess you can't use this if they aren't saved....but maybe you can use each discipline time to witness!). So my boys have to pray and get it right with Jesus and then get it right with us. It takes a lot more time...but if you ever deal with things in anger- NOTHING is accomplished! Except the child gets bitter.

Oops- I guess you didn't ask for all of this- you just wanted to know what we think of the list....I guess I don't agree with the ignore thing either....
If I were you I would just really pray about it and ask God to show you how you can use this list and make sure it is in line with scripture. I am sure GOd would not have you break any of the rules that EB has set up- but I am sure you can lovingly tell them about Jesus and show them the joy that comes with obeying...

Pam said...

I'm with Sara. They gave you lots of good ideas to use within your parameters, but they fall short of true Biblical discipline, which of course, you can't use, or you'd be fired.

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